Love Story

I will seek and find you . .
I shall take you to bed and have my way with you

I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan.

I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop.

I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I'm finished with you.

And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.

All my love,

The Flu

April 30, 2007

Cool Slideshows

This sunday they had the 'Light for the Lost' chuck wagon at church. Bikers were invited to the service and many from the Christian Motorcycle Association were there. Our Pastor was sweating when the chuck wagon broke down between here and Fargo. It made it with the help of others. John was able to join us for the lunch. The food was great and it is rather nice to just be with others. Tessa went home with a friend for the afternoon. John and I went on a walk and then took a drive. It was a good day for putting in the crop, as you can see by the photos John took. I hope you have all had a great weekend and are ready for a new week! Till next time...

April 28, 2007

Well, I have officially gotten some sun. You, my family, will know what this means, I am PINK! It was so worth it thought. Just to sit outside and enjoy this beautiful day, kill a few weeds and then later we pulled out the bikes. Tessa wanted to go on a long bike ride. John wanted to break me in easy, and she was on the complaining of jelly legs. I just have to get used to the pinch every time I pedal. We had to made a trip out to check on the eagles. They were really not in a position for John to get any new photos.

Mom, it was nice to see you and we hope you enjoy that new camera you got today. I am going to close this entry for now. There is a movie on Sci Fi that I want to watch. It is called Lake Placid 2 and I hope it is as funny as the first one. I seem to kind of like these movies with really big animals on the loose! Till next time...

April 28, 2007

Someone might come into your life and love you the way you've always wanted to be loved..If your someday was yesterday, learn..If your someday is tomorrow, hope..If your someday is today, cherish. Author Unknown

Surprise

This will be a quick entry. I was going out to vacuum out the car and the color of yellow caught my attention out of the corner of my eye. I thought those flowers had died out years ago. I kept trying to catch a better picture but the wind was crazy and they kept blurring. I hope you all have a great weekend. Till next time...

April 27, 2007

A quote I found that I liked.

If you love someone for their heart, trust that heart will always be what you thought it was...A good heart is a forgiving heart, a compassionate heart, an understanding heart...Trust what you imagined...Author Unknown

Depression

April 24, 2007

Mom, this is for you before I forget. Tessa's little report about you won and she gets to read it at this tea on May 4th. Parents and grandparents can go. You can imagine how NOT excited Tessa is about this.

I decided to make a new recipe. It is one that I will not be repeating. The way these cookies looked reminded me of another time when my husband and his brother tried to bake cookies. His brother thought he was this great cook, but those cookies that they made were seriously messed up. I guess they could NOT tell the difference between powdered sugar and flour. The looks of surprise on their faces at the mess was rather funny. Back to my cookies, they taste good but really do look rather strange!

I spent much of this afternoon working on photos. I am finally in June of 2005! I am starting to wonder if I will ever get caught up. John just takes toooo many photos! This young man came and hooked up our phone to digital. I guess it is required, but I am really not so sure about it.We are still trying to figure out if we will keep this land line. Now if our power goes out for more than 8 hours. We do NOT have our phone! That's all for now folks! Till next time...

Fruit Pizza

Crust:

1/2 cup powdered sugar

3/4 cup butter

11/2 cup flour

Mix ingredients together and put in jelly roll or pizza pan. Bake at 300 degrees for 15-20 minutes (until edges turn light brown) cool.

Cream Spread:

1-8 ounce package cream cheese

1/2 cup powdered sugar

1 tsp vanilla

Mix ingredients together and put on top of cooled crust. Put a mixture of your favorite fruits on cream mixture.

Topping:

2 Tbsp. cornstarch

1 cup fruit juice (pineapple/orange)

1/2 cup sugar

1 tsp. lemon juice

Combine ingredients in saucepan on stove. Heat mixture until it boils and thickens. Cool and drizzle over top of fruit.

This is really yummy and simple to make. Enjoy!!

April 23, 2007

Oh look, doesn't he look happy? This is how John spent his afternoon yesterday!

Our Anniversary

Our Anniversary

April 23, 2007

Thanks America Weekend

April 23, 2007

I am trying to figure out if I should write what is really on my mind or just keep it safe? I know this particular entry will probably take me a while to finish. I am still trying to understand something that happened in my life. For years I have had this philosophy, DO NOT let anyone get to close! I have had to say goodbye to many times and just did NOT want to do it anymore. I made the mistake of giving it one more try and got hurt again. I often wonder why I feel that I am such a burden to everyone. John was kind of irritated with me by something I wrote in his card. I basically said, thanks for putting up with me. I can not see to find what I am worth and what purpose I play in everyone else's life. Last night as it was getting close to going to bed, I told him how much I was dreading today. I had been with my family for the past 3 days, was busy which left me NO time to think. I so dreaded the quiet of the house and only having Nakita to talk to. She is always 2 steps behind and looks at me like 'what is wrong?'

I know that I mentioned the fact that I am going to have to wear a brace for awhile. I am kind of anxious to get it so that I can walk and not be uncomfortable. Tessa wants to go for a walk after school. I said I have only been going about 5 blocks and she was ok with that. She has this big plan to try and earn this doll for her birthday. She wants to do all this work around the house, and I am waiting to see if she can possible succeed! She is still very resistant to putting effort into her violin. Ok, I need to get some work done around here. I am sure I will think of more things to write later. I have lots of time on my hands to think! Till next time...

Brenna

This time 22 years ago I was so happy to have you with me. I can still see the expression on your face as you lay on the warmer. You are still filling my life with joy! Till next time...

April 22, 2007

We had a great time at the Saure's. I am just happy anytime I can have my girls in one place. I just had to say goodbye to Brenna and never like doing that. It is hardest when I have no idea when I will see her. I guess that is just how life is. I am having the hardest time concentrating as I try to write this.

John and I had the afternoon to ourselves. Tessa was at her friends house and the day seemed to so nice and quiet. John and I did a bit of yard work. We took Nakita for a little walk and then just sat on the front step and watched the world go by.

I just wanted to share a this moment with you and then sign off for the night. I hope that tomorrow I will get more done. John has been so busy on the other computer that I really have NOT had much access to it this weekend. I hope that all of you are well! Till next time...

April 21, 2007

I have a few minutes here before I get ready to leave for Alicia's. Last night Brenna was with us for the festivities on the East side. The funny thing is that WDAZ caught the girls on cam and John showed me the clip this morning. We had our burgers and hotdogs and then Brenna wanted to have a photo by these cars. The little girls had to get in the picture also. John wanted to show Brenna the walking bridges so we drove around before she hooked up with her friend Becky.

Mariah was with us and while we were driving around she asked me this question that floored me. Her little friend was giving her some information that a little girl her age does NOT need to know. I can only imagine what Alicia must have thought when she was told about it.

The fireworks last night were great. I think the best these two cities have ever had. When this female voice started to sing the National Anthem, Mariah yells out, "I know that song!" I just had to laugh over that one. Tessa was disappointed that we never made it to the east side, but it is all ok. I know that John has many pictures that I will eventually get to share with you. He just has to weed through all the shots and delete the ones that are not up to his standards. He stood on the wall today and took photos during the parade. I was just tired after walking around with Brenna for a couple of hours, so I just sat and watched. Tessa kept running back and forth to the street to try and get some candy. For her, the only reason to watch a parade is to get the candy! Till next time...

April 20, 2007

I am going to just tell you want is going on here so that you will be up to speed. I am not used to having to run out of the house so much. This morning was one trip to Rehab for my usual exercises and a soak in the lovely therapy pool. I had to run home to get cleaned up for an appointment with the Doc. I do not have to see him unless symptoms warrant it. He is having me get a brace. It will take the pressure off the inside of my knee where I have bone on bone and hopefully will take away some of the ache. I really am not excited about this brace. The guy that measured me for it said I needed to wear it every waking moment for the first 2 weeks. He said I would be amazed how much it helps. I guess time will tell.

I am really getting excited to see Brenna. She is on her way home right now. Mariah will be spending the evening with us. The plan is to go and take in some of that Flood recovery stuff that is planned. Free food being one of the key factors. I just hope that the weather stay nice. The clouds have rolled in and it just feels like it could rain. It is still really nice out. A friend told me I should open the windows to let in the smell of spring. I guess I am not ready to do that yet.

Tomorrow is our 12th Anniversary. We do NOT have any big plans, but eventually will end up at the Saure's. I am supposed to somewhere before tomorrow evening, make a fruit pizza. Tessa wants to go to the parade they are having also. I think we will be kept busy. I need to be kept busy so that my mind does NOT think to much. I have this frustrating habit of thinking back and remembering what has been said to me. I start to wonder, ok, can I believe or was it all just idle words.

Tell me, does anyone else find themselves putting up these dandy little walls every time someone hurts us. The next time someone else wants to get close they just have a thicker wall to get through? I sometimes wonder if a time will come when I will NOT let anyone get close to me. I am getting a bit off track again. It is time for Tessa to get home here any minute and I need to get done with this. I am really not sure when I will get back to write. Till next time...

Dog and Cat Diary

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary

10:30am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing! 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Diary

Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. @$!&^%! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...

Philadelphia New York-Style Sour Cream-Topped Cheesecake

Prep: 15 minutes | Total: 4 hours 5 minutes (including refrigerating)

11/2 cups Honey Maid Graham Cracker Crumbs

1/4 cup (1/2 stick) butter, melted

11/4 cups sugar, divided

4 pkg. (8 ounces each) Philadelphia Cream Cheese, softened

2 tsp. vanilla, divided

1 container (16 ounces) Breakstone's or Knudsen Sour Cream, divided

4 eggs

2 cups strawberries, sliced

Preheat oven to 325 degrees F. Line 13x9-inch baking pan with foil, with ends of foil extending over sides of pan. Mix crumbs, butter and 2 Tbsp. of sugar: press firmly onto bottom of prepared pan.

Beat cream cheese, 1 cup of the remaining sugar and 1 tsp. of the vanilla in large bowl with electric mixer on medium speed until well blended. Add 1 cup of the sour cream; mix well. Add eggs, one at a time, beat on low speed after each addition just until blended. Pour over crust.

Bake 40 minutes or until center is almost set. Mix remaining sour cream, 2 Tbsp. sugar and 1 tsp. vanilla until well blended; carefully spread over cheesecake. Bake an additional 10 minutes. Cool. Cover; refrigerate 3 hours or overnight. Lift cheesecake from pan, using foil handles. Top with strawberries just before serving. Store leftover cheesecake in refrigerator.

makes 16 servings, 1 piece each.

Substitute: Prepare as directed, substituting 11/2 cups finely crushed Oreo Chocolate Sandwich Cookies for the graham cracker crumbs.

My family really enjoyed this cheesecake. I found it in the Kraft magazine called Food and Family. Enjoy!!

April 19, 2007

This date has special meaning to me. IT is the last day that I worked as a nurse 10 years ago. It is also the date of the Waco Massacre in 1993. I was doing my practicum in Spokane at the time and watched this on the TV in between the births of babies. I was having the incredible experience of working with a labor and delivery nurse. This time of year really have been one where the world goes crazy. In 1995 we had the Oklahoma City bombing that devastated so many lives. For those of us from this area, 10 years ago was our moment in history. The Flood of 97 came to change our lives in so many ways. Time has continued to go forward and once again this week more sadness with the Virginia Tech Massacre. What is it with this time of year!?

John and I have our 12th anniversary this weekend and Monday is my Brenna's 22nd birthday. I am very excited that she is going to be home this weekend and that we will all get to be together again. The plan is to go to Alicia's to cookout and who knows, maybe we can turn it into a game night?

Yesterday was an emotional roller coaster. I will not put all the details here, for some things are private. I am just so grateful for family that cares. It was like the floodgates opened and I was able to say some things to John that were long overdue. I know that you will be reading this Mom and yes I am doing well today. I still have not figured out how to deal with that problem, but for this present moment I am calm. I know that some of the things we will have to do to solve this problem will be good for us. It is always kind of hard to make changes, but after awhile it always turns out ok.

Mornings are still rough here. I get so frustrated with Tessa, but I have a feeling she is NO more a morning person that I am. Was I that ornery when I was a kid? Do you remember Dad? I have this memory of maybe being a bit prickly in the morning! Yesterday, I was also blessed with an explanation to something that has really been weighting heavy on my mind. The situation was put back in proper perspective. This person may never know how grateful I truly am! OK, I need to finish with this and attempt to see if Tessa is getting ready. Till next time...

April 18, 2007

Just a little something to put a smile on your face!

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Sunshine

I have been trying to face my demons and fears. I am sure for most of you, this will sound totally strange, but to try and figure out my finances causes my heart to just about stop. I am sure that is why I could NOT sleep last night, a sleeping pill did the job finally. I went to the couch so that I would NOT keep John awake.

This morning I went to Rehab to get in my exercises. I so enjoy that therapy pool and just listening to the people as they talk. It was when most of them left that a lady noticed the quiet. I so wanted to say that is what happens when all the talkers are gone. I was not gifted with my Mother's ability to talk to anyone that crosses her path. I did finally have a little conversation with the lady and found out a bit about her life. I so love to just touch another life if only for a short time.

I am someone that is always thinking the worst and often for NO reason. I had spent the last 2 days thinking I had done something to cause someone to NOT have time for me. I would like to know why I am so insecure??!!! A brief conversation was all it took to make me think all was well with the world. I went outside and just had to take the dog on a short walk. I talked to the girls on the phone while I did that. We are trying to figure out when to grill out for the birthday family moment. This weekend there is all that Flood stuff in town. Fireworks on Friday night and I think a parade on Saturday. We will grill at the Saure's and Brenna wants all homemade food. I guess that means I have to cook. I really do not mind, it is just that working in my kitchen sometimes drives me crazy.

My neighbor pulled out his lawnmower to clean up his yard. Now we look bad and so I hope that John will be able to help with some of that when he gets home. I called him and he said he had about 2000 labels to put on boxes. I said it was too bad that I could not come in to just be an extra pair of hands. I guess it is NOT allowed, how silly! I did NOT expect to be paid, but I suppose it is for legal reason that I can not.

I went to read my sister's blog and had to smile over her thinking of her self as a wallflower. I think that is a family trait for some of us. I have always thought of myself as invisible and forgettable. I grew up thinking of our family just not part of the 'cool' crowd. It was kind of like we were square pegs in a round community. I know what I am trying to say, I am just not sure I can make it understandable.

I noticed that the Lilac bush is starting to bud out and has shot up green shoots. It makes the fact that Spring is here more believable. I can NOT wait until I smell the Lilac and the Lily's of the Valley. Heavenly!! TIll next time...

April 17, 2007

When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God
appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines; one line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter."
Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men.
The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.
God said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves, I created you to be
the head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him. "God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this line?"
The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."

April 15, 2007

This will be a quick entry. The weather today was long overdue. I was able to go out in my bare feet in a dress with out a coat. I helped John by holding the bag while he raked of the leaves. Tessa had fun riding bike and hanging out with her neighborhood friends. I now look forward to bed and a good sleep. Till next time...

April 14, 2007

Prime Steel

Prime Steel Weekend

The weather was great. The cars were beautiful. John was in heaven getting to walk around and drool over the cars. (just kidding) I end up remembering how many photos I have had to go through and get into albums. It is always kind of fun to see the old cars driving around that are never enter the car show. We kept seeing an old Model T driving round. It really was a lovely day for that. We also just drove around the city looking and enjoying. Tessa did NOT want us to go home when we finally did. I have to wait to put an album on here when I get to use the other computer. Till next time...

OOPS!

We saw this while driving around by the river. I really wonder what the story is behind this moment.

Myspace Graphics

Friday the 13th might mean something to some, for me it meant the scare of my life for a brief moment. The details are not necessary, I kind of need to get a thicker skin or maybe just trust or something. The trick played almost did me in for the day, but all was explained later. If I have confused you, sorry, but I am not going to say anymore on this subject.

The morning was spent in therapy. It seems I have used up all my therapy sessions allowed with my insurance. Now my therapist is going to have to try and get my more sessions. It is frustrating as I am not progressing as fast as I would like. I see the Doc next Friday and I wonder what he is going to say about my next step. I guess I am just kind of frustrated and really not sure what is going to happen to me. I have visions of not being able to do all the things I like to so now that the nicer weather is coming.

Have you ever had a person really surprise you by showing a side that you have never seen. It happened today and it just meant there was one more subject that we had in common. I can not even fully express how exciting that is to me.

This weekend is Prime Steel here in Grand Forks. I am not sure if we will be going, but I will be really surprised if we do NOT. John is putting in a rather long day today and so I am sure having a relaxing day tomorrow. Tessa says she is going to work on her room. Any takers on how that is going to go? Well, I hope you all have a great weekend. Till next time...

I went into this day not expecting it to be really any different that all the rest. I had the usual stress of just getting Tessa ready for school. She just loves to go down to the wire on getting dressed, yet does not like me to remind her what time it is and that she really does need to get dressed NOW! The rest of the morning was all the usual stuff. A phone call during lunch helped that time to go fast. Dad called and was telling me to use cabbage leaves for something that to me just plain did not sound fun. I went back to work on my photo albums as time is running out with spring arriving. I am still 2 years behind. I put in a movie I had not seen and worked the afternoon away. I am still working at the table in front of my living room window so I can watch what goes on in my neighborhood. It really is not all that interesting.

The call from Marilou was one of the high lights of the day. It is always really good to catch up with her. She is one of the few people that I can really talk about anything and every thing without feeling uncomfortable. I then went to work on supper and was surprised when John walked in. I can usually hear him drive up as the truck is so loud. I am not really sure how he was able to sneak up on me. The interesting about this meal was that I tried Turnip greens for the first time. John had bought them for me, even thought he will not eat them. I can not say they were bad, but I really do NOT want to eat a whole can by myself. I was treated to a call from George tonight. He was driving through Florida, slowly working his way back home. It is always nice to catch up after a long time. I am now just hoping and praying that the headache and scratchy throat are NOT a sign of something else. Till next time...

April 12, 2007

April 9, 2007

HOT Myspace Layouts

I spend too much time just looking and reading. Is it a good thing to have so much time to ones self? I really am not so sure. The question asked me today, was are you ok? I am ok, or as ok as I ever am. I was told today that if I put my mind to something I could accomplish it. Why do I always feel like a victim and not in control of even the smallest thing. I think I just might be tired of being scared to live. I have the feeling that I may scare my family with these words. It is NOT my intention in the least. I am just trying to figure out how to survive and start to live!! Till next time...

Easter Day

Easter Day

An Easter afternoon taking photos down by the River.

Photos from April 8, 2007

april - 07

An unexpected moment of catching an Eagle hunting the Red River.

Photos from March 25, 2007

march 25th

It was a foggy day and John could NOT resist capturing it in photo. This is the Red River of the North at Grand Forks, ND.