April 23, 2007

I am trying to figure out if I should write what is really on my mind or just keep it safe? I know this particular entry will probably take me a while to finish. I am still trying to understand something that happened in my life. For years I have had this philosophy, DO NOT let anyone get to close! I have had to say goodbye to many times and just did NOT want to do it anymore. I made the mistake of giving it one more try and got hurt again. I often wonder why I feel that I am such a burden to everyone. John was kind of irritated with me by something I wrote in his card. I basically said, thanks for putting up with me. I can not see to find what I am worth and what purpose I play in everyone else's life. Last night as it was getting close to going to bed, I told him how much I was dreading today. I had been with my family for the past 3 days, was busy which left me NO time to think. I so dreaded the quiet of the house and only having Nakita to talk to. She is always 2 steps behind and looks at me like 'what is wrong?'

I know that I mentioned the fact that I am going to have to wear a brace for awhile. I am kind of anxious to get it so that I can walk and not be uncomfortable. Tessa wants to go for a walk after school. I said I have only been going about 5 blocks and she was ok with that. She has this big plan to try and earn this doll for her birthday. She wants to do all this work around the house, and I am waiting to see if she can possible succeed! She is still very resistant to putting effort into her violin. Ok, I need to get some work done around here. I am sure I will think of more things to write later. I have lots of time on my hands to think! Till next time...