Sunshine

I have been trying to face my demons and fears. I am sure for most of you, this will sound totally strange, but to try and figure out my finances causes my heart to just about stop. I am sure that is why I could NOT sleep last night, a sleeping pill did the job finally. I went to the couch so that I would NOT keep John awake.

This morning I went to Rehab to get in my exercises. I so enjoy that therapy pool and just listening to the people as they talk. It was when most of them left that a lady noticed the quiet. I so wanted to say that is what happens when all the talkers are gone. I was not gifted with my Mother's ability to talk to anyone that crosses her path. I did finally have a little conversation with the lady and found out a bit about her life. I so love to just touch another life if only for a short time.

I am someone that is always thinking the worst and often for NO reason. I had spent the last 2 days thinking I had done something to cause someone to NOT have time for me. I would like to know why I am so insecure??!!! A brief conversation was all it took to make me think all was well with the world. I went outside and just had to take the dog on a short walk. I talked to the girls on the phone while I did that. We are trying to figure out when to grill out for the birthday family moment. This weekend there is all that Flood stuff in town. Fireworks on Friday night and I think a parade on Saturday. We will grill at the Saure's and Brenna wants all homemade food. I guess that means I have to cook. I really do not mind, it is just that working in my kitchen sometimes drives me crazy.

My neighbor pulled out his lawnmower to clean up his yard. Now we look bad and so I hope that John will be able to help with some of that when he gets home. I called him and he said he had about 2000 labels to put on boxes. I said it was too bad that I could not come in to just be an extra pair of hands. I guess it is NOT allowed, how silly! I did NOT expect to be paid, but I suppose it is for legal reason that I can not.

I went to read my sister's blog and had to smile over her thinking of her self as a wallflower. I think that is a family trait for some of us. I have always thought of myself as invisible and forgettable. I grew up thinking of our family just not part of the 'cool' crowd. It was kind of like we were square pegs in a round community. I know what I am trying to say, I am just not sure I can make it understandable.

I noticed that the Lilac bush is starting to bud out and has shot up green shoots. It makes the fact that Spring is here more believable. I can NOT wait until I smell the Lilac and the Lily's of the Valley. Heavenly!! TIll next time...