Humor for Lexophiles (Lovers of Words)

A will is a dead giveaway.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

God don't believe an atheist.

Acupuncture: a jab will done.

A backward poet writes inverse.

A calendar's days are numbered.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. then it hit me.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

Those who get to big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Police were called to a day care where a 3-yr-old was resisting a rest.

The roundest knight of King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you a A-flat miner.

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. he became a hardened criminal.

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in linoleum Blownapart.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

A dyslexic insomniac atheist is a man that stays up late at night wondering if there is a dog.